Weddings are magical. They arrive with fairy lights, heartfelt vows and all too regularly, a bill capable of perspiring your bank account. Thus, the million-dollar (or at least couple-thousand-dollar) question is: who pays for the wedding?
If you’re recently engaged first off, congrats! Second, you’re likely in the ins and outs of wedding planning, where spreadsheets, Pinterest boards, and budget conversations are the new apples of your eye. One of the earliest and most uncomfortable conversations to have centers on money. Should Mom and Dad be paying the bills? Should you be maxing out your savings? What about the in-laws?
Let’s time travel to give some context on traditional wedding financial responsibilities, and find out how modern lovebirds are rewriting the rulebook. Fair warning: these are steeped in history, etiquette and occasionally patriarchal practices (yes, we’re going there). But you can make more informed, modern choices that work for your specific situation if you know the norms.
The Bride’s Family: The Traditional Wedding Expenditures
In the traditional model, the bride’s family bears the vast majority of the cost of the wedding and we’re not talking about lending a hand here and there. Not just the alpha financial frontliners, bearing most of the cost like they’re preparing for a royal coronation.
Wedding Ceremony: A Little of Everything
Originally, the ceremony was bride’s family’s delight. They included everything from the venue fee to the flowers going down the aisle, and even the Officiant’s fee if he wasn’t a family friend or a moonlighting uncle. In dozens of cultures, the ceremony was not just a reciprocal exchange of vows but an elaborate spectacle of family honor and hospitality, featuring hospitality to the other family, and often enough celebration of that generosity.
- Venue Rental: Think charming churches, garden estates, or now, Instagram-worthy barns with chandeliers.
- Ceremony Décor: flowers, aisles, arches, and candles everywhere.
- Officiant Fees: Clergy or celebrants or friends getting themselves ordained for the day, it all came at a cost.
Being “given away” often came with a heavy responsibility; the bride’s family wanted to throw a bash that made it clear just how much she was being valued.
The Bride’s Attire: A Princess for a Day
If the drama was the show, the dress was the star. The bride’s family was generally responsible for purchasing the dress, veil, shoes, jewelry, and sometimes the bridesmaids’ dresses. And let’s be real wedding dresses can be as expensive as a used car, particularly if they bear designer labels or are fit to the bride’s physique.
| Item | Typical Cost |
| Wedding Dress | $1,500 – $5,000+ |
| Accessories (Veil, Shoes, Jewelry) | $500 – $1,200 |
| Bridesmaids’ Dresses | $100 – $300 each |
The Reception: The Main Event
The reception is where budgets came to cry. And yes, this also tended to be the bride’s family’s turf. We mean venue, food, open bar, entertainment, décor, cake, favors — the whole shebang.
- Reception Venue & Catering: A massive chunk of the wedding budget pie.
- Entertainment: Live bands, D.J.s, or the cousin who insists he is a great emcee.
- Décor & Favors: Table centerpieces, seating charts, and that whole flower wall for Instagram pics.
Days before Venmo and splitting tabs, this was a financial overreach. But for many families, it was a rite of passage and a means of celebrating their daughter’s big day.
Stationery & Invitations: Pretty Paper, Heavy Fee
From save-the-dates through thank-you notes, stationery represented yet another line item. The bride’s family typically paid for:
- Wedding invitations
- RSVP cards (with postage, naturally)
- Ceremony programs
- Menus and signage
- Thank-You Cards
It is hard to believe, but a custom stationery suite may cost hundreds to thousands of dollars, especially once you add on gold foil and calligraphy.
Photography & Videography: Capturing Forever
Traditionally this expense fell squarely on the bride’s family as they were hosting the and recording the event. And let’s face it wedding media is non-negotiable. Grandma needs to see those pictures, and you need a video of your uncomfortable uncle getting down to “Uptown Funk.”
The Groom’s Family: Supporting Identities With Vital Contributions
The heavy lifting fell on the bride’s family, but the Groom’s family wasn’t exactly lurking in the corner sipping cocktails. They had responsibilities that counted with respect to importance.
The Rings: A Symbol and an Investment
Traditionally, the Groom’s family paid for the engagement ring and the bride’s wedding band. That’s no easy task — diamonds may be forever, but they also cost forever.
- The Engagement Ring $5,000 is the U.S. average.
- Wedding Band (Bride’s): $1,000 – $3,000 based on metal and stones.
That’s enough to drive anyone to clench their wallet.
The Rehearsal Dinner: A Delicious Tradition
The rehearsal dinner, which took place the night before the wedding, was the Groom’s family’s moment to shine. Whether a casual backyard BBQ or a decadent steakhouse soirée, the bill was all on them. These get-togethers included the following:
- The wedding party
- Immediate family
- Out-of-town guests
- Plus-ones (yes, your cousin’s new Tinder date)
Groom’s Attire: Dapper and Dashing
The Groom and his party needed to look dapper, and that was a customary expense underwritten by the Groom or his family. This included:
- Rental/purchase of tuxedo or suit
- Shoes and accessories
- Bags, Ties, Scarves, Handkerchiefs
Pro tip: Matching superhero logo socks are not a requirement, but they certainly get a standing ovation in photos.
Attire and Personal Flowers: Bridal and Groom Boutonnieres and Bouquets
A quirky little fact: The bride’s family traditionally took care of the ceremony flowers, while the Groom’s family provided for the bride’s bouquet, the mothers’ corsages, and the groomsmen’s boutonnieres.
The Honeymoon: The Last Fling
The most romantic gesture of all? Giving the newlyweds a dream honeymoon. This cost was traditionally borne by the Groom’s family, from a Rockies road trip to a 10-day cruise of the Greek islands.
Bride and Groom Contributions: Presents and Primping
Even with family contributions, the bride and Groom were expected to cover some of their own costs.
Bride’s Expenses:
- Groom’s Wedding Band
- Bridal Party Gifts
- Hair & Makeup Services
Picture budgeting with only a side of glam, along with a batch of vows and a sampling of vendors!
Groom’s Expenses:
- Bride’s Rings
- Groomsmen and Parents’ Gifts
- License and Officiant (in some traditions)
- Nose (in certain traditions)
Those amounts, though not as grand as the reception or the honeymoon, had been intimate and personal expressions of gratitude and purpose.
Modern Love, Wedding Style: No More Traditions
Let’s fast-forward to today. The average American wedding will run you about $30K, and let’s get real: That’s not stuffed under every parent’s mattress. So what does a modern couple do?
- Split the costs with each other by percentage of income
- Each family gives gifts to other homeowners
- Crowdfund or register for monetary gifts at your wedding
- Consider Small Intimate Weddings or Elopements to Save on Costs
- DIY stuff like photos and décor to save some money
Weddings today are more collaborative and individualized. There is no longer any one answer. It is about what is best for you and your family emotionally, financially, and logistically.
Differences in Culture in Wedding Costs
All of tradition is not Eurocentric. The term “wedding duties” means something different (often very different!) from one culture to the next, however.
Indian Weddings:
- Generally, a weekend long party
- The bride’s family usually foots most of the bill, but that’s changing
- Dowries (despite being officially banned) have played a part in determining the cost
Jewish Weddings:
- Expenses are usually divided or adapted based on the family’s discussions.
- The ceremony and reception are typically done by the bride’s family
- The officiant and rehearsal dinner are the only details paid for by the groomsmen.
African Weddings:
- Dowry and bride price practices are also factors
- Celebration is generally backed by the community
- Family and tribe might contribute funds for an extended period of celebration
Chinese Weddings:
- Banquet responsibility usually lies with the Groom’s side of the family.
- The bride’s family might give “Bride price”
- Gift making and the giving of tokens, things (such as gold jewelry), also serve as.
Communicate: Early & Often
There is one reality that transcends traditions and cultures: Transparency is everything. Talk money early? Put all your cards on the table. Who’s willing to contribute? What’s the budget ceiling? Are there deal-breakers?
Here’s a checklist to kick off that convo:
- 📝Create a draft budget
- 💬 Hold a family (or two) meeting
- 💳 Talk about using credit or saving
- 🕊️ Be kind, honest, and open
Nothing can kill the joy of a wedding faster than passive-aggressive budgeting or last-minute spats over money.
Who Pays for the Wedding? The Answer is… It Depends
At the top of the aisle (see what we did there?), who takes on the financial burden is not an issue of tradition, but rather teamwork. (Traditionally, the bride’s family has carried the burden, and now adventurous couples are rewriting the rules with creativity, honesty, and a fair and open heart.)
Weddings aren’t meant to be a financial burden or a competition. Whether your wedding is a DIY affair in someone’s backyard or a black-tie gala at the Ritz, what counts, more than anything, is whether it feels like you, whether it is your story, your values, and your joy.
